we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina