So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese