We named our party play list daddy issues
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week