i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
