So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
