The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
