She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
