the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
