idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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