Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
