Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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