Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
