his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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