He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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