No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
