I only kidnapped one of them. chill
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
