We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
