Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
