Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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