Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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