it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
