Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
