wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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