This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
