so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
