**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
