Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
