Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
