Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
