Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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