Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
