haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I want a musical about memes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
