it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
