He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Randomize
