i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
