Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
