i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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