my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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