I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
