why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
