you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
