I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's shark week go big or go home
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
