Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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