I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
