I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
