My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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