Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize