sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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