wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
