I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
