I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
