i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.