You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling