After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.