Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.