"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
birth control should be required to get into college
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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