Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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