my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
