How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
