I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
