At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
