saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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