so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
