Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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