He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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