somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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