Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
