god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
