Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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