after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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