small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
