i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
