I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
