Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
