The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
