u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
